Mentally unhealthy

I’m sure a lot of people feel this way when struggling with mental health issues but like I always wanna act like I have no problems and like I’m perfect around ppl so they don’t question my mental health but then when they don’t figure anything is wrong with me I’m internally mad about it and I’m like hmm maybe do every self destructive thing u can thing of to make sure they know, but I also don’t wanna bother anyone 0_0 it’s an annoyingly slippery slope in either direction ,,, I wanna make my self worse to prove I was bad to begin with