im not better ig

Ive been trying to get better do things for myself and every time I feel better I start talking to a girl and then I get ghosted than I go back to not eating at 99 lbs and my room becomes disgusting and a sad depressing mess. I don't know what to do I need love I need a girlfriend I just need someone by my side I have one friend and she's great but she's straight and doesn't understand so I just don't know what to do im so alone.