Disappearing

For a few weeks in July, I finally had the ability to be pain-free and not feel anything, and it was truly wonderful. However, looking back, I see that while I was emotionally very at peace, not feeling didn't necessarily make anything better in me. I used to believe that it would, and I desired that I could be more like my friends cold, reclusive people who could go about their lives without feeling perpetually depressed and overanalyzing every small contact when the hurt would come to the surface every other second of every other day. I've also thought of taking antidepressants and other drugs that make you care less about anything.