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—
my hair is growing long again
grass i’m sure we all know
always and never the same
i know the secrets of this corridor
wish it’s issues onto me
i know all the secrets of that walkway
every guess i have of to what’s under your bed
i get it correct
green, blue or foamy like the sea, both
mystery and none
i talk so much
i barely talk so much
foam comes out of my mouth
and i miss the evergreen backyard,
i miss my mother and her cigarette
i miss my sister and her jokes about
one day i will choke and die, and she will laugh
suddenly i have a sick stomach
i want to tell lies now, too
‘authority’ my body gives none
‘authority’ my mind cannot define
‘authority’ i hate, ‘authority’ i have none
just a boy in a strange spot
a boy cleaning—weeding the garden of death
since his birth dealing with bodies of people born dead
never had a shot past a certain age,
killed themselves trying not to drown in the swallow
my hair is growing out again
becoming/became a girl
was always a girl
always a failure
pulling out my hair in the classroom
bathroom
lunchroom
playground
Corridor
bedroom
your room
inside the mirror
inside my mind
always a failure to myself
my hair is growing long again
‘if you knew me in my house,
you’d think i was insane’
there’s no woods to cut myself in
not that ive ever done that
my hair is growing like grass
struggle to breathe
chemicals and secondhand smoke
anxietyattackbecausehetellsmethisandthat
two thousand
something
i cant count to 12
i cant count up to my age
i cant cut my hair
i cant smile no matter how much i do
and it’s growing long again—-
my hair is growing long again
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