Toxic Friend

i don’t know why i’m doing this since no one will see it hopefully but i had this toxic friend you’re probably wondering “how are they toxic?” well shes always just rude 24/7 but i guess because she used to be my best friend she had a “better attitude” towards me? but despite that she body shamed me constantly. when we were in school i used to eat a lot because well i was hungry and out of nowhere she’s just say “Wow You’re So Fat!” i laughed it off but it did kind of hurt. i have a high metabolism as well and only weigh 105 pounds last time i checked so i didn’t really pay attention to it the first time but when someone you really love and trust is in your ear all the time telling you “you’re fat” any chance that they get kind of hurts. and the worst part is that my other “friends” used to join in and nudge at my weight too it’s always “oh you’re fat!” or “oh your so bony!” like what?? but moving on,the reason i broke it off completely was because i was in an argument with some of our friends on discord because i told someone “oh don’t come back /j” As they were leaving the server then like 15 minutes later when i got online i had notifications from people telling me to apologize i was a bit confused because i added a tone tag to let them know i was joking and all of my friends know what they mean. (i have no clue how this sounds but i hope it doesn’t make me sound mean so) at first i was kind of arguing with them because i’m really bad at apologies and i didn’t think i was in the position to write one because i let them know it was a joke but then it just escalated to their friends telling me to kms and all this shit?? i just replied with “Ok 💀” And “Lmao” because i don’t really care about things like that,their friends left after like a couple of hours and then the rest of my friends got on then another argument about how i should apologize,after some time i agreed to apologize but i got my ex-gf to help me because i’m bad at them.in the middle of me going over it i checked the server again and my friend asked me “why are you so mean? 💀” this is where my emotions started to pour out we’ve been best friends for about 2 years and the only reason i’ve ever been “mean” to anyways was for her. so that she’d like me more because i noticed she was always a bit mean to others i didn’t say anything about it tho because i didn’t want to lose her as a friend,i’ve never felt this close to anyone before and i guess that emotion just over-rid everything (i don’t know if that’s a word) so whenever she asked me to cuss someone out for crossing her i did it. i never protested to it because i was just scared she wouldn’t like me anymore and i understand that i’m horrible person as well since i never stood up to her actions and just followed behind her like a sheep but those words to me where still like a fuckin stab in the gut because i knew she was right. i wrote the apology sent it to the person and just logged out of discord made a new account,talked to my friend (currently best friend) about it,closed out all of my messages with ex-friend and her friends,skip to now shes texting me everyday trying to like “win me back” or something like that but i never reply and i feel like shit every single time because i wanna go back to her and be her friend but i just hate the idea of ever being her friend again after all the things she’s made me say and do to our friends. she’s made me fake her own death TWICE,lied about her mom being dead and so much other stuff i don’t even wanna say. schools about to start again soon for me and i begged my mom to switch schools so i don’t be attending the school she goes to anymore and i’m so happy. like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders,my plan was if i do go back to the school she goes to i’ll just tell her i got my phone took the entire summer and continue being her friend until i go to a diff school,if i moved to a different school i’d finally block her and all of her friends. i’m still kind of scared to block her because well she knows my number and knowing her she’d probably try to get her friends to come after me,i’ve deleted her contact off my phone but she can still text me. that’s all i really wanted to say.