him

i cant live without him anymore. its been 3 months since the break up. hes all i want. i need him. i miss him. he was gonna be my husband, the father to my future kids. he deserves the world. hes the sweetest soul ive ever met. all he does is care. i care. i care about him so much. i care about him so much that im starting to not care about anything else. why is he so far. if he just lived here i could be with him. nothing makes sense without him. ill never find love like this again. he was my first love. he taught me what love even is. he showed me that i deserve everything and more, but without him i deserve nothing. i miss him, i hate him because i love him so much and i cant get him out of my head, everyting reminds me of him. if i have a bad day i want ot talk to him. if i have a good day i want to tell him about it. im finally doing all the things ive wanted to do but im doing it without him. i dont get to tell him how excited i am. my life feels empty. i feel like i lost a chunk of my soul. i cant listen to cigarettes after sex because it reminds of me him. i cant listen to certain lilpeep songs bc i think of him. i cant listen to some of my favorite bands bc all of them are bands he loved. im so unhappy. nothing feels important anymore. nothing matters.