burn bright (life update + poem/lyrics/whatever ig)

hey there!
I haven't actually utilized the blogging feature on this site more than on rare occasion so consider this a first 
for those of you that've actively followed my livejournal or even just my bulletins have probably realized that my life is about as amicable as a crappily written 80's movie which is,,, not the greatest
after school ended I've been given far too much time to reflect on my life up until thus far, the endless dramatic cycles of everchanging living situations and within the past few days it's been alot 
nothings really happened, I've just kind of come to some conclusions that I wasn't expecting to come too I suppose
I had band camp (last-ish/this past) week and the people I met/built upon relationships with there were incredible. never in my life in the past few years have I felt such acceptance nor familial. I felt like I didn't have too mask who I was anymore, I felt free to be myself and to fuck up and for fucks sake I felt like I belonged and was deserving of life. 
I didn't realize how little I was settling for until then. 
I've only had irls in the past few years that have belittled me and put me down and sent me into hiding and putting on facades, the issues I've tried to settle within myself were only worsened and tested no matter how hard I had to fight to keep from giving into my impulses because that very hopelessness caused it all to begin with. I'm trying so hard to bring myself to cut many of them off but that would leave me relatively isolated coming into the new school year as the majority of good people I know are in grades above and below mine. however when I do inevitably make this choice I've felt a new kind of optimism, like I can fix everything and rebuild my life. seeing old friends I haven't seen in ages knowing we've hurt eachother, but it's been so long that if I just take the time to learn more about myself maybe I can see what works for me. the kind of people I need to have a mutually beneficial relationship. I want to bring light to me and my peers, I want to make a difference and this feeling has been burning in the back of my head for so long but for once in my life it actually feels possible
I lost a fighting spirit I had before from the years of social maltreatment and it's about time I regain it and take control over my life instead of letting other people do it for me 
and some unsolicited advice for other people who might be struggling and reading this right now 
if you feel like someone or something is holding you back, get it out of your life immediately 
life is far too short to spend your time just hardly staying afloat.


It only took one experience to make me feel like I have a shot at recovering the spark that I have lost
I’ve spent so long inside of reclusion
that I've built my life up around delusion
I found a new family and they made me realize
that I don’t need to center my life around these comforting lies
I can be the change that I wish to see
because I can burn just as bright as before