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This is a vent post. I hate getting personal like this but I really need to just get this off my chest. I literally have nobody else to say it to. Sorry…
My stepparents make me so angry. I hate them so fucking much. They get on my case every fucking day for just existing. They make fun of my interests and hobbies all the time, they get on my case for just expressing my feelings. (Granted they’re not the “socially acceptable” way to express how I feel but I don’t know how to mask them better, especially when they try to get a reaction out of me on purpose.) They know I’m autistic but they don’t care. The thing that hurts me the most is I’m not allowed to talk to my mom anymore. Well, that’s only half true… I can’t talk to her about how I feel or how they’re hurting me. I always end up saying too much, she sends them a message and I get in trouble. It’s better if I just say nothing at all.
In the 5 months I’ve been here I’ve never felt so alone. It’s so hard for me to make new friends, I have “socially unacceptable” interests and nothing interesting happens to me, you can imagine how hard it is to make small talk. I have a hard time processing what people are asking me and what’s going on around me, so I end up making mistake after mistake at work. Being the bosses daughter I have to come home and hear about how incompetent I am and how I make him look bad. He also abandons me at work everyday and makes me feel like a burden, I don’t have my license yet so I KNOW he’s doing it on PURPOSE. I think it’s to “teach me a lesson?” but I don’t think I’m learning anything. Maybe it is my fault for being anxious about setting foot in a car after being in a nasty accident, but maybe you should have some basic fucking empathy and take you flesh and blood home when they need.
The ableism… OH DEAR GOD THE ABLEISM… don’t get me started on the blatant ableism that goes on in this house. Every fucking day I get berated for showing an autistic trait. The way I express myself is seen as “childish” but I don’t know how to express myself any other way. They fail to understand that my emotions are amplified BECAUSE of autism. Which is ironic because they’re Psych majors. They don’t treat me the same as the other more “mature” step kids, every time they’re alone downstairs I hear about how I have the mental capacity of a 10 year old and how funny I am when I get upset. They constantly make fun of my interests and hobbies and make me feel like dog shit. They said that I don’t deserve to be treated like an adult because I haven’t “proved” that I’m mature to them. I’m trying so damn hard to get by in the world and my best will just never be good enough. The name calling and degrading jokes aren’t helping either...
The way they treat me makes me feel like I’m not a part of the family and I don’t belong anywhere. The constant belittling and dismissing my feelings and thoughts make me feel like I don’t matter. I’ve barely scratched the surface on all the shitty things they’ve done and said to me. I haven’t even mentioned how when they “do something nice” for me there’s always a catch so it’s never really “something nice.” I also didn’t mention just how homophobic they are and they horrible things I’ve heard as a queer person. I know I’m gonna get a lot of hate for my post but I don’t fucking care anymore. I’m gonna get berated by my step parents anyways so nothing fucking matter anymore.
“Why don’t you stand up for yourself?” It’s not that easy in a household like this. I get in trouble for raising my voice, the last time I got upset and raised my voice I got threatened with LITERAL VIOLENCE. I’m so scared of what they’re capable of. Nobody’s gonna take me seriously anyways so what am I supposed to do?
Anyways I’m done now. I’ll post some art soon I guess.
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Vice Valentine
I’m sorry for what you’re going through it seems like to handle especially when you feel alone. Sometimes family can be harsh because of the term “family” we are born with people who don’t understand us and don’t like us for who we are. I wouldn’t want you to fight or enrage your emotions more, but the fact that you said what you felt is a first step. Learn to control yourself, learn to be able to breathe and not let anyone get to you. Unfortunately this life has people who will try you even if they aren’t family. You have to learn to be able to put the bullshit aside and be in control of yourself and have a manner of dealing with things. Walk away. Don’t show any emotion or they will continue to be the way they are. Continue your passions im this life, you still have a lot to focus on. You are the reason to keep going, you are the reason why you wake up everyday and sleep at night. Let the hate go. Let your mind be at peace and try to make the best out of the situation when you’re older and have better income, make your way out in a good manner and move from the situation. Until then best of luck 🫂🩻