Vent :/

Hi guys or anyone really reading this. ig this a vent so just to sum everything up I am going on a road trip with my fam this upcoming week and im not excited actually im dreading to go. I hate summer , I am always coped up in these 4 walls , gosh I feel like lux Libson. I wish my mom could drive. anyway back on the road trip we are going to be gone for like a week and I haven't finished my summer reading for my English honors class and I haven't done my back to school shopping yet. I feel just like empty almost. Im not really doing well health wise and this whole trip is just going to make it worst. I have like anxiety meds but they don't work I want something that will get me groggy enough to forget, everything. I know I am privileged and should be happy but I just can't shake this feeling of dread , I never can. Gosh I should watch fleabag. I hate summer , I would rather just go to school have 3 panic attacks like I normally do and go back home and go back to school. I need to leave this house as soon as I can. Worst of all I have my quinceanera coming up and I haven't practiced my dancing dress, nothing I don't want to do this . but do I really have a choice?? my mom would kill me if I said no.  At the end of the day I just need the money to get out of here. this whole month and next month is just full of stuff I should want to do but don't want to. It feels as if my whole life is crumbling away from my control. I hate spotify ads like I'm sobbing but ur giving me a coke ad instead of mitski? How dare you. I think im going insane , things in my room move but Im not sure if I can't remember where I put them or there moving by themselves. I hate this this is the second time this is happening. I hate summer. Sometimes I wish school was forever and that I wouldn't have to go home just school. I feel like a hamster just rolling around in its wheel only to get off and see that it has gone no where. As soon as I can drive I am leaving. You won't see me again I will be a new me . I won't be Aleja or Gabby or condo just me, No Spanish no English just me. Right now would be a really bad time to re read. Also is a yt Latina a POC like im pale ig but like im not white? im not brown I have white privilge but am I like a POC I have my own issues too with this I don't know what to call myself am I the beauty standard my eyes are small people think im again my hair is unkept and wavy but my nose is like my dads kinda big and droopy. Will I ever belong anywhere? that's for my next blog tho. Sorry if you read all of this