8/3/22 Blog - depression is a biiiiitchhhhhh

Like i knowwwww i'll be ok in the end but this suuuuuucks. I don't even wanna play fallout like HUH??? i have...whatever the disorder is called i forget and all but it was well managed for yeaaaarrrssss and then med side effects are like "fuck u die for exactly one month as ur body adjusts" ouughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . clinical depression or whatever.

its suuuper annoying when people downplay how much depression effects ur life like yeah ik theres worse things out there logically but tell that to my brain that refuses to work right. like i cant enjoy anything currently its like a constant fog weighing me down. maybe its a sign i should sleep more or something idek it still suuuuuucks though. id almost rather deal w the severe ADHD than this like at least i can feel things better.

On a better note...I have chocolate...! In times like this, I'm going to celebrate the smaller things. When you can barely function, those smaller things become insanely important. Ik its cheesy as hell, but you never fully realize how much those small things matter until you feel like you're getting the shit kicked out of you by whoever's writing your story.

I forgot if it was about depression specifically, but a therapist once told me I should list off good things that happen more since I keep focusing on the worst. Sooooo here goes nothing~

• I have chocolate
• My bed is warm and full of cute plushies
• I'm still practicing HTML and its really fun
• I took my meds on time
• A few people liked the poem(s) I wrote
• My cats are cute.....

ima try to nap or something >>' hopefully ill feel better after I eat too