poetry dum[

i find myself staying awake for days on end,

only able to rest after my emotional support hook up.

i escape away from the realities of my life by laying with the embodiment of what i wanted when i was fresh and new.

back when my biggest concern was if dad will actually kill me this time and the approval of my math teacher.

now im slightly older and much less believing of love.

which isnt to say i dont care because i do,

i find myself falling into the trap of wanting to keep him safe and close as if i can even protect myself.

when he wakes up he asks if im okay and i cannot tell if its because i look tired or because he heard me crying at five am when i assumed he was asleep,

or maybe it was just to be polite.

every time i see him he says he looks rough but i can hardly look at him because i think he looks lovely,

i wonder if he also thinks i say things just to be polite.

i will admit it is nice to just lay in his arms, tracing shapes absentmindedly into his spine, having my hair pet, falling asleep and for once feeling safe.

however people usually don't stay for longer than a month so i suppose soon i won't rest at all.

i find people are asking if im okay again,

my answer doesn't matter they will only believe the response they want to hear.

my poetry is shit but i guess it mimics my state of being,

giving up on lines in favor of screaming

"honey you mean nothing to me, i dont call people anything."

im thought to be so sweet.

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