"P"

I've had a crush on this guy "P" since 5th grade. He is smart, kind, F U N N Y and his personality is top tier. He is kinda cute physically, my friend thinks he is ugly but everyone has their own charm. We are good friends and he is going to be one of my chambelanes por my quince. The main problem is that we are good f r i e n d s FRIENDS, I don't think he will ever look at me in another way, he is the only person I care about who has never made me feel annoying or stupid and I'm scared of messing that up but I dont wanna change myself either. I dont have the initiative to talk to him by myself cause I dont know how to start conversations and I feel like that us a big problem. When we were at school it wasnt that difficult but now it feels almost impossible :(( he had a gf, one of my friends actually, but she never liked him, she just accepted cause she didn't wanna hurt him. This was kinda recent so I dont even want to think on having a relationship with him, even tho it's practically impossible ;(((( FYI: I have cried for him like 3 times