Unhinged virtual man rambles on about mental health (I am the unhinged virtual man)

I'm really not 100% sure on what it is, sometimes, most times, all the time, my brain will tell me to do something, otherwise a vague threat is made! It's not a voice, it's not me thinking it, it's just a feeling! Since the concept of language is made up, I just know what I need to do and that something bad will happen! Of course, the likely hood of anything actually happening is, slim to none, but confirmation bias is one powerful drug!

I'll usually obsess over doing things a certain amount of times, such as touching something 4 times, or 5 to be safe, avoiding 3's and it's times table such as 6 and 9, and things that end in those numbers as well, which leads me to often have to send 4 messages, or 2, or only 1, never 3, never 6, never 9.

I'm sure it's not anything supernatural, it's purely my brain, because I won't get nervous when I know actually know how many things I've sent! If I don't find out myself something is off, I won't feel nervous, and I won't obsess over it, I won't get those paranoid habits in new games, or new sites, I will however, after I've been playing or using it for a while, new ones develop! One of those being not allowing myself to talk about certain topics, often times these won't be things I "shouldn't actually say", it's just large mental gymnastics my brain does, that if I do, I'll forget something, or something bad will happen!

I do not keep myself grounded at all, I never have, my mind is my escape, but it's also my prison, I've attempted to put an end to all these obsessive thoughts by not complying, so instead of me doing it so much in real life (which I still do), I do it in my head! Thoughts I can't control, I think of images I can't unthink about, this especially is annoying considering I am also a superstitious person, one of these superstitions being that if I think of someone for too long, they will dream of me, and if they think too much about me, I will dream about them.

The thing is none of these people thinking about me actually matters, I am not in contact with them and I can't really be affected by them anymore, but the thought of them still haunts me, even though most of them didn't do a lot of things wrong.

I do not dwell on things too much, especially not now, the only person you hurt when you continue to hate someone or something when it no longer affects you is yourself, it can be fun to hate something, but that is still a negative emotion that causes stress, that still harms your health, both mental and even sometimes physical! I tend to try and logic through things rather than deal with them emotionally, I might not be the most emotionally stable person, but I like to think I'm pretty good at keeping my composure in most scenarios, I do crumble under pressure in real life, but I don't get affected when I'm having an argument, but that might also be because nowadays I surround myself with a lot of nice people, who don't really "argue", we just talk when we have differing opinions, we have discussions! I think that's something we should all look for, don't allow yourself to be talked down to or belittled when you're talking to someone who disagrees with you, if they're doing that, they're not looking to come out of that situation with a new point of view, I think we should often try to be open minded when talking to someone with differing opinions, you can defend your points, that's the point of a discussion! You can also agree to disagree, but even then it would not have been a waste, it's good practice, it's a good way to interact with people.

Speaking of which! Interactions, wow, I really wish I could talk to people here more, I never really know how to, a lot of the people who have friended me seem nice, I do want to talk to some of them more, or at all, I'd like to tell you, if you're the type of person to start a conversation: you're AWESOME AND I APRECIATE YOU WHOLEHEARTEDLY. I  AM SORRY I AM A NERVOUS LITTLE CREATURE; I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO TALK TO YOU MORE BUT I AM NERVOUS! And that applies to anyone that has my contact. :]

 There are a lot of interesting people on here! Lots of people I wish I could talk to and try and make a connection with, either just chit chatting about random nonsense, playing games (that can run on my potato chip crumb of a laptop), talking about things we mutually like, or even trying talking about things currently going on, I like trying to help, trying to logically look at things that are currently happening sometimes can help to make the right decisions, even if you're talking to yourself; the rubberducky method doesn't just work for coders, it works for a lot of things, I think it's important to lay out your thoughts, not because it might make you feel better, but trying to put events as a coherent story, from beginning to end, can also clear your mind and make you understand your situation better, we tend to think we know everything about what's happening with us, but sometimes we need to take a step back and look at everything at once, helps us stop focusing on the little things as well, but then again, everyone has a different method of dealing with emotions and stress, all of it boils down to finding your own personal way to feel better or to just collect your thoughts.

GOD DAMN I WROTE A LOT?????????? Literally started writing this without knowing what to talk about, I really do need an outlet to speak my mind lmao

Anyways, yeah! That was that, as you can see I like talking :]