not my fault but still

quick context im visiting me sister in the US and me and her traveled together here and it was basically just us (family wise) for 10 days anyways shes moving apartment to apartment and the rest of my family came 2 days ago to help with the move and i've been helping and moving things and packing etc when they werent here etc but today i decided to rest cause i got my period and have a little bit of food poisoning and quickly to decipher whos who the sister who is moving is A and i only have one brother and dad and my other sister who lives with me is S. so basically since they came S hasnt really helped at all maybe packed a few things and when i took the day off i assumed she'd step up a little or atleast thats how it seemed to me and tbh i shouldve known (its not out of character got her) she still didnt really help and apparently she was asked 2 things one of which was to pack A's shoes and they're designer and S was askef to pack this bottle of argentyn 23 (silver basically) and the bottle was broken and S was made aware of that and was told by A to pack it seperately and to pack her shoes alone and to pack the silver so it wont spill but S clearly didnt listen and put them together and ruined A's shoes and its around $2000 worth of shoes so its not like its some small scale fuck up and i could go on about how irresponsible and shit she is but tbh ofc im mad at her but idk how to describe this feeling specifically but im empathetic towards A and i tried to look for ways to maybe help out but shes at her other apartment since i didnt go and i asked if i could go but its inconvenient so thats not happening and i really regret not going to help because maybe if i helped i couldve prevented this and A's shoes wouldn't be ruined idk ik this isnt about me but now that thats kinda out of the way idk i feel like all these small things that make me feel incompetent or incapable or as if im a failure always shoot me straight to me wanting to kms like when i stained a's pillow and she was upset (i got the stain out but still) and idk all these things pile up like seriously im so deeply fucked up mentally i cant even begin to let it all out of my system and most the time i dont even have the capacity to dissect it anyways this blogs topic is beyond over but next b log is defo gonna be a detailed 5 hour long therapy session lmao 

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