One of the Books I have ready to be published another Excerpt.

From the book "The Reasoning."

Broken Connections

Early morning the sunlight is just breaking over the horizon. Mist just hovering a few inches above the ground from last night’s rainfall, low-level fog emanates from the swamps, ponds streams, and creeks that meander throughout the forest. The low fog crisscrosses the winding meandering dirt road. A blue 1987 jeep eagle was turning onto the dirt road the driver inside was fatigued and missed the turn-off 3 times before the 20 something red-headed biracial female ad found it. Jenna has been driving all night listing too late-night talk shows about UFOs and politics mixed with an occasional 70,80 and 90s mix radio station, even though she liked a lot of contemporary music from her generation she had nostalgia about that era of music especially the 1980s. 

 The back of the vehicle was loaded with a weeks’ worth of clothes dirty and clean and made worse with the fast-food wrappers and convenience store snacks. A box of tissues that was almost empty from crying fits depending on the music that was playing and her current mood. She was not going to stop she had an internal motivation to keep going no matter what flat tires how low on funds she got if she did not make it to her destination she would walk or hitchhike. Now that the GPS on her phone said she was less than ten minutes away from her destination she was more motivated to complete her goal. She knows all about what is motivating her as a recently graduated psychology student. The cars running headlights just broke over the last hill, crazy fast confused thoughts and emotions all raced in her head at the same time, many different emotions and thoughts ran through her head all at once, comparable to trying to watch 25 different movies with only one eye and understand the concept, plot and still be able to comprehend all the storylines at once. She eased off the gas pedal as her headlights focused on a medium-size two-story house with a gambrel roof painted in a color that may have been white slightly discolored to off white almost a dirty gray though the paint was holding up and not peeling. 

Jenna sat in the driveway with the car running for several minutes compiling all possible outcomes in her head of this first meeting with the person she was determined to meet. She turned off the radio and just stared at the house as the sun now peaked over the trees, emphasizing that the house was a little dirtier than the original indicated but in good shape. She gripped the steering wheel tighter almost ready to break down and back out, but she convinced herself to do it.

She took a deep breath let go of the steering wheel slowly open the car door, one leg and foot on the ground. Followed slowly and hesitantly by the other leg wearing her striped black and white blouse, and semi-tight jeans and pink sneakers, she stood up grabbed one last sip of coffee from her console.

She stepped away from the car taking another breath closing the car door gently. The morning wildlife was getting louder and louder as the nighttime sounds of wildlife were slowly dissipating. Jenna's selective attention started to tune this out as she concentrated on the next few minutes. She was having an internal battle of Id determining whether Ego or superego was the correct way to go, those two dueling angels who forever sit on our shoulders trying to tell the self what to do and not to do. She stood in front of the house it had a character, though seems the front porch light was missing a light bulb, an overgrown garden that has not been taken care of in years, and if it was not for a mowed lawn you would think this property has been abandon. 

Poking out behind the house in the corner is an old ford 150 truck that apparently still works since there are recent tire tracks that lead to and away from it. She walks up the three wooden steps unto the porch that seems to be stained with a reddish oak color. She scans the front of the house one bay window and a smaller window that she assumes is either the kitchen or the bathroom there is no doorbell or knocker. So she pulls herself together she takes a few slow deep breaths and tries to straighten up her blouse and hair, then she knocks as hard as she can. Nothing happens, for a few moments so she knocks again harder and this time she hears a disturbance from behind the door. She hears footsteps slowly shuffling towards her. Her heart begins to race. Then the shuffling stops and she waits for nothing, so she knocks one more time a little softer. Soon the door unlocks from the inside and the knob slowly turns revealing a 50-year-old man with salt and pepper messy hair, bearded shirtless, and wearing pajama bottoms. He looks confused holding a cup of coffee slowly trying to sip him awake. He looks up and asks how I can help you in a very tired voice with morning breath. Jenna accidentally takes a whiff and blinks her eyes a few times, but slowly gets up her nerves to say. "Hello, Dad."

Jake stands there not sure if he heard her correctly and looks at her and he has immediate recognition on his face, recognizes some of him in her, and recognizes some of her mom in her. He says quietly "wrong house." and tries to slam the door.

She is not hurt by this at least initially she is angered by this and uses all her anger to push the door open knocking Jake to the ground and spilling the cup of coffee all over.

Jake sits there on the ground for a minute looking up at her in shock and some sort of serious respect.

She walks in and dominates the room with her attitude of I am going to do this no matter what the hell he wants. "DAD, she says in a sarcastic angry voice, " I refuse to let you send me off and push me away this time because of you son of a bitch. I need… and want answers and you are going to give them to me." 

Jake sits there a few moments organizing his thoughts. He leans forward shifting his feet to turn around. He stands up brushes him off and uses a paper towel to dry the coffee off him and other places the spills went. He continues to look down trying not to raise his gaze to her. Which makes Jenna even angrier she screams "LOOK AT ME YOU SON OF A BITCH IN I AM….YOUR DAMN DAUGHTER YOU BAST..." as she looks over him she sees over the kitchen counter and into the living room a section of books and pictures and she sees he has pics of her from when she was a baby till a few years ago. Even her graduation pictures he was there and she never knew. 

She started yelling at him again, "You had all those opportunities to connect with me and you never even fuckin’ tried? You just put me up for adoption in a foster home when Mom died you SOB!!!"

 He said nothing just kept looking down. Jenna had enough of this she turned him around so he couldn’t help but look at her. He had a tear slowly streaming down his cheek. He looked at her a few times then looked back down. He took a few breaths. Attempted to stutter a few incoherent sentences out then stopped. He looked at the wooden clock on the wall. Then he looked towards the living room and one of the pictures. He grasps his sweaty hands together. He makes another attempt at explaining. He slowly tries to regain composure and softly utters the words." I wanted you to have a chance of a normal life, and without both me and your mom together you would never have had a normal life ever." 

She rises from the chair walks up to him as he sits down at the ketch counter and slams her fist on the counter " I never had a normal life and i was never going to have a normal life because no one told me the one damn thing that would keep me from having a normal life ever. for god sake you bastard. I thought i was crazy and psychotic all these years i was not in and out of foster homes till I got adopted I was in an out of psychological hospitals you fucking evil lying bastard." He looks up at her and looks in her eyes with heart full intent “I am sorry, I honestly thought it was the best thing to do and was hoping you would not have to suffer with your moms and I curse." 

Jenna calms down a bit but still spits fire nails angry at him "Yeah dad that may have been a damn good thing to mention before you sent me off." Jake looks up and says holding back tears in his eyes " I am really, really sorry, I don’t know what to do." 

"Where you, are you? Really dad? , Give me any reason to believe that any at all. Where you really? did you even fucking care or miss me? did you even try to get in contact to explain to me? I see you cared enough to keep tabs on me but you did not care enough to explain." Jake looks up again, "I may of been wrong, I may of been stupid and ignorant of what was going on in your head and your life, but I missed you every damn day I wanted so many times to tell you but I was hoping there would never be a need.I thought or at least convinced myself it was the right thing to do." 

She sits down on a stool across from him and in a calm rational reasoned voice, "Well now is your damn chance to explain to me why the hell you let me suffer like this." She says trying to control her shakes, looking at her hands to see if she's angry enough to change. Her eyes glaze and cloud for a few seconds as her pupils enlarge, then her eyes return to normal.

“I agree with everything you are saying. But there are two sides to every story.”Jake offers her something to drink, she accepts a soda pop from the fridge, she takes it and opens it angrily setting it down too hard causing some of it to fizz up and overflows onto the table. When she does so. She looks up at the clock and notices that it’s slightly before nine AM. She stares at him with a laser-like glare watching his every move and every breath.

Jake refills his coffee and walks back taking a sip, “Where do you want to start?”

Jenna leans back blows the hair out of her eye, “The day you became a bastard, I want reasons any reasons they don’t even have to be good. But why did you throw me away?”

He looks back at her and says "You are 100 percent right I am a bastard and I will. Let’s have breakfast first you look a little hungry and we can talk over that. When you have a full stomach and energy then you can punch me kick me hit me all you want after that." Jenna forces a smart-ass smile through her hurt and responds with "DEAL."

Jake looks into her eyes and drifts into memories of his past he can not bury no matter how hard he has tried, He begins to drift into the past. Shows a look of discomfort and physical pain as he tries to recall the details. He shakes his head a few times, takes in a very deep breath. “You know I am messed up too. In this head. I do understand what you are going through and have been through. I may have screwed up. And I admit that it was a horrible thing to do to any kin. Especially my daughter. But honestly, at the time I thought it was best. Because I am messed up right here” He says as he points to his temple. “But also right here.” He says as he points to his chest.