Hi

Sorry for not posting another blog entry yesterday like I promised. My BF came over and after he left I was too tired and bummed out to think about anything. I didn't crash hard, thankfully. Now I'm just 'meh'. Nothing to think about, nothing to say, nothing to do. I almost feel sorry for my BF because he wants to spend time with me, but I feel so boring and dead. How can he see anything inside me? I love him.

I'm having dark thoughts again. It's like all I can think about is how everything is falling apart and how I'm doomed to be miserable for the rest of time. I just don't see myself being happy ever. I mean, you saw what happened yesterday... A good chunk of my day went amazing for no reason and now I'm miserable again. And no, I'm not considering meds. Last time I went down that road I almost ruined myself. I don't have the strength in me to go through all that again. My libido is suffering enough without any help from sedatives. It feels like im shutting down. My limbs are ice cold almost all the time. At least I'm losing weight.

I'm going out now. The BF and I are going to Lidl. I like going shopping with him. Maybe I'll return with an update, maybe not. Sorry if all this is bumming you out.

Bye