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kari and i were talking about this yesterday. there was a 22 y/o woman online, iya, polluting our online community with her wishy-washy garbage words. "i want pretty things, i envy pretty girls, i need to be pretty." it went on and on. her exact words: "i refuse to be average"... but then she writes, as if it cements her resolution, "for any longer than the end of this year. 2023 will not be wasted on the ordinary". BARELY HALF OF 2022 HAS PASSED AND YOU'RE ALREADY CASTING VOTES AND BALLOTS ON WHAT 2023 IS GOING TO BE LIKE. iya, people like you genuinely disgust me. and i'm a mild-mannered person, docile as a sheep and as opinionated as a lampshade. the reaction elicited in me was so strong not just from pure revulsion, but of a deep-rooted, self-aware shame -- in some way, i was no different from her. it made it easier to hate her, only because i was so aware of this fault within myself.
one thing about ED is the concept of 'reset' - at the end of the day, calories reset, the step count resets, everything returns to our favourite number, ZERO. we keep it so dear to us that we idolise it, even when it hurts our conceptualisation of our progress. it's very human to want to wait till 'reset-point' to change. it's much easier to just lay back and let your body cycle through the motions it has always known. we're just biological machines, after all. but stop fucking trying to 'girlboss' and be motivational by encouraging this stupid 'reset-point' mentality !!! if i were 22 and was posting things like "i hope next year is my year", it would be an open invitation for all of spacehey to come to my door and stone me to death. fuck people who think like this and don't mature from it. fuck people who are chronically wallowing in their self-induced self-medicated self-sustaining misery. not even a farmpig is as pathetic. you are feeding yourself poison spoonful by spoonful and you complain about a stomachache.
sorry for going off on a tangent. my boyfriend is telling me to hurry up; we are supposed to watch spirited away. i just am so frustrated with myself. i did well today, im satisfied with my progress. the hard part is doing it again, every day after today and with more intensity. i wish i could share more. tomorrow i'll post again, if i remember. and i'll try to be more stylistic, more structured, and come up with a common theme. i;ll see you soon
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