what in the Kentucky fried fuck

Guys, i'm a norse pagan. BUT guess where my mother decided to pop out three fucking kids. A SMALL ASS FUCKING TOWN IN ALABAMA. When i tell you the church that my family runs or wtv is like a cult its fuckin scary. This one time some chick fell out of her seat while we were praisin the lord and said she was god. I laughed and got in trouble lmao. like we would be singin and all of sudden i hear bertha speakin in tongues behind me. also the next mf who comes up to me and asks me if ive found jesus is gonna have a not so good day....