VENT ABOUT THE LOSS OF MY FATHER

Dear Dad..                                                                                                                     

Its officially been 30 days since(sense?) you've passed away. We held your funeral recently and I met a lot of your friends and family. Why did you never tell me about me second cousin, Nino?? Hes a really cool dude, even if he is as old as you. He made sure I was alright and checked in on me during the funeral, and made a few jokes so I wasn't down in the funks the whole time. Did you know hes going to hold a family picnic like y'all used to have so long ago? I remember Vinny telling me about them over the phone one time. I wish you would be able to go, I'm sure you would bring the best food. you always do. God my eyes are so blurry writing this ha.. I finally got to meet my brother Mikey!! We met at your funeral and I sat next to him during the mass. You know how your brother(my uncle wayne) is a priest? Well he held the services for you and there was a lot of his friends, other priests, there, Grandma made sure you went out with a bang, dad(her words). She misses you a lot. A.J. wasn't able to make it down here in time for your funeral but Garry did. It was nice to see my brothers even if the cause was horrible.

I finally learned how to ride the bike you got me Dad! I wish you could see me, I've learned how to cook so many meals and I would to have you try them like we used to do.. I'm taking this kid, Hayden, to the library tomorrow. He's Nicks neighbor. He's a cool little guy.. He reminds me of Natalie in some ways..

I finally saw Kharly again! Her and her mom came to the funeral and they miss you a lot. I know you and miss Edie were like siblings, she talks about you all the time...

How come you never told me you saved Mr.Waynes life? He told me about it at the funeral after the mass.He also told me how you made him promise that if anything were to happen to you that he would watch out for me. Hes gonna teach me how to play guitar like you wanted, i know you wanted to learn how to play to.. Don't worry, I'll be sure to use your guitar as well! It wont go to waste:) Mr.wayne is also gonna take me to see the Zebra band you had tickets for! I'm sorry you never got to go but ill take lots of photos for youu....

Mama says shes gonna teach me how to drive soon, i just wish you were here to see me learn. I know you'll be watching me though. 

Dad i wish what you said never happened. You would always say "One day i'll be gone Mica, Then what will you do? You have to learn how to survive on your own" and now you are. you're really fucking gone. but im 15 dad. im only fucking 15. im not ready yet. i wasn't ready. i want you to see me turn 16 and 17 and 18. i want you at my wedding and i wanted to come out to you. there's so many things we never did. theres so many plans we had... Im still gonna open up a food place, i know how much you wanted to..

When i went into your house a few days after you passed, there were rotten plums. Earlier today Nicks uncle tried togive me someplums and that was all i could think of.. I had to step away for a moment cus i almost broke into tears then and there. Everytime we go to mc.donalds or pass budsbroiler i think of you and our after school stops. or when we pass the chinese cafe by our house i think of how you would get me some if i was sad or didnt feel well cus you knew it made me happy.

i wish you took your fucking pills and stopped staying in the bars till 4 am every night. you had already had two major heart attacks before. You knew what was gonna happen dad. You fucking knew. So why? Why didn't you?

Please come back dad.

I need you