my blog

I sometimes forget how dim I actually am. The life I lived couldn't possibly just be a memory only, it lives everyday in my life. From the  moment I wake up till I sleep, sometimes I lose sense of reality and go to this state of mind that maybe things can go normally for me until I see how I barely shine at all. I am so dim. I am barely what makes a person, a person. A person in their own earth. Only thing I want to do really is to decompose on the mountains, give my physical body to nature, let nature rule over this body maybe then in a way it may be beautiful. be submerged in the ocean slowly, gently and quietly, and be one with the ocean, as calm as it can be at night time. Oh how inviting the ocean can be at night time, and how inviting the high mountains can be to be one with its wind, with its cool breeze and moist place. I want to be made of something as beautiful as nature and the ocean itself, I am but dirt that wishes to have flowers bloom out of me. I am no soil. My body is far from beautiful, my body is only of sin and I despise myself so. Too much for a little girl. But oh well, tomorrow I will still continue on living this miserable life it is the only wise choice there is. To keep surviving if a life of freedom can't be lived.. we survive.