Relationships/DID/kinda personal. You can read if u want tho

I’m not sure where to start or if I even want to go into depth but to make it simple when I first got with my bf he was on c0ke and getting off of it without me even knowing so he was kinda awful not to mention he has DID so his alters (not all of them ofc) were awful too at the time. He’s not even close to the same person he used to be before but I don’t know how to get over some of the stuff that was done. He says my love for him isn’t the same and he’s not wrong but it’s due to his past actions. I don’t want to be like this, I want to love him like before. I want to make him feel so loved and secure to the point he forgets any negative emotion he’s ever felt before. I also go between feeling no emotion for the relationship and wanting to be by myself and being obsessed and feeling guilty I even felt like that in the first place. Sometimes I feel like I’m faking my feelings but even I don’t know if I am because I truly do love him I just feel empty sometimes and lately I’ve been feeling like that more than anything. How do I know of my feelings are true? How do I love him like before? Is it my fault?