crazy rambling about hetalia and how idc if its cringe/problematic

If you read my intrests u probably saw that i like hetalia. And you may not like me for that and i get. Theres alot wrong with it. Fetizisation of lgbt+ relationships in alot of the old fanart and fics, the english dub (dont get me started), the lack of diversity, the absolutely RABID state alot of fans were in, and of course this weird urge on being "historiclly accurate" with your cosplays (in the worst fucking way mind you, you know if you know)

but me being 22 and beeing a teen in the early 2010s its weird. I see the flaws but i still feel gitty about all of it. Even if italy runs around like an idiot and bothering germany and japan it takes me back to a time where i didnt have to worry about anything other than silly little country ships.

I remember during the beguining of covid (2 years ago) i actually watched season 6. I ended up drifting from hetalia after 2015 due to personal reasons, so i ended up missing the season that came out that year. Being stuck inside and nother else really to do i decided hey why the hell not.

I found a site with the english dub for free (cause i wasnt going buy a funimation subscription for this honestly) and i sat on my floor and watched it. But as i watched it i noticed that i was stimming. Happy stimming. I was enjoying it?

It was weird whenever i would talk to people online about it i would always mention how "cringe" it was and how "i dont like it anymore". Maybe it was just the just the insanity of waking up everyday feeling like nothing changed. Maybe it was nostalgia kicking in. But i was actually enjoying myself. And i came to this weird realization. 

why do i care if its cringe? Or more importantly why do i care about what other people thought?

for years this problem plauged me. being undiagnosed autistic for 16 and having adhd makes you hide from the world. School was ruthless and i would try my hardest to fit in anywhere i could. Denying my true feelings. Feelings about how i felt on gender and sexuality, politics, and even simple stuff like games and franshices. All because i was scared of people going off, making fun of me, or even telling me how much of a "horrible person i was" for just liking a simple show or my personal views.

I realised how stupid it was. How stupid that i spent most of my teenage years hating cringe or just hiding away from others because i was too afraid of rejection. That really wasnt a way to live.

And like i said before, i know hetalia has its problems. It has its fair share of contraversies. I know damn well himas depiction of bloody sunday was in poor taste at MOST. let alot all the gross jokes that only creepys would enjoy. How weird some ships such as Spamano or USUK are and how it has these creepy underlining tones to them. I know that.

But if i acknowledge the flaws and everything bad thats happened in the past then why cant i enjoy it for its positives.

I enjoy the chaos is brings. How world meetings end up in a chaotic mess because everybodys peronalities clash with eachother. How there can be endless content due to the nature of our planet. Hell you can easly make a fan comic just based on the UK's political issue with boris rn by using englands character to represent the situation. How now that so many of us have grown up we realize how creepy or unacceptable some of the stuff was and try to correct newer fans behavior, helping them correct and prevent them from stepping over the lines plenty of old hetalia fans cross or saw crossed back in the day.

And i guess its because alot of people on here are younger. And see it as strange how i can simple defend such a contraversial franchise but i feel like part of it is understanding how many of us grew up online around that time. About the state internet culture and how it would influnce young developing minds and normalizing strange behavior. How hetalia for god sakes was just a fandom full of quirky neurodivergent gay kids with barely any impulse control, just like any other fandom id say at the time (superwholock and even homestuck for that matter)

Or maybe its me in my old age (even though im 22, it def feels like ive seen all) that im starting to feel more retrospective on how everything was in the wild west of the web. How morals wernt really a concern, Kids were unmonitered and free to do whatever they please because our parents didnt understand the dangers it held. Scouting for forums, kik chatrooms, omegle calls/rps with absolute strangers just to pass the time and have fun. How PLENTY of us were exposed to some horrid stuff at way too young of an age. 

And i probably sound kinda hypocritical typing this whole post. Like "i dont care but i care enough to make a blog about it on a myspace clone website". Its just my two cents i guess. Plus i never really types any of these thought out before. So its kinds theraputic. hehe ^^|||

so ya uh thats my post. tldr i learned to stop giving a shit and like problematic medias while still pointing their flaws and looking back on how the enviorment jnfluenced everything.