caffeine demon

Basically, instead of feeling high off of the caffeine, I feel really unbearably down instead. It's weird. I feel like I've felt like this throughout the years, just not as bad as these last two instances. It's like feeling every bone in your body but instead, you feel every single negative thought bouncing off the walls of your mind. This probably has a scientific explanation but it's especially strange to me since I just did a short workout. And workouts to me are usually pick me ups. In this case, it didn't work.

Damn. I feel like shit. I said as much to my aunt (in a less vulgar way, of course). I told her the biggest elephant in the room to get it off my chest and to fully acknowledge this shitty feeling in a somewhat healthy way: that I was afraid of my second year of college. I'll save the reason why for another blog. Preferably when I'm out of this deep trench of a feeling.

As I'm writing this, I feel more and more hopeful and less soggy as I think of the upcoming days. On Sunday, I have a family date with my married aunt's family (baby cousins, yay) and on Monday, I'll be meeting my friends in person after two years. Almost three years for some of them. My best friends will be there. Now that I think about it, this is a good and productive way to distract myself from the caffeine high. Or crash?

Think about what you will do or can do and focus on that as much as possible. It's pretty simple but in my current muddy mindset, it's a much needed lifesaver.