Existence

when I was around ...... I'd say 4 years old, we lived in a trailor park in ohio far away from the city, it was bye the woods we were inside with my two brothers and mom x. he got drunk so me and my brothers just went outside, and we were just looking at the sky, especially the moon., it was quiet until my brother noticed we looked sad, and he said, "it's fine, when people are drunk their stupid, we can do what we want" after that we laughed, and it got quiet again. I don't remember what my brothers were doing I only remember me looking up at the moon and that's when it started, that was the beginning, that's when I woke up. I started to question my existence, i had so many questions, I swear I was about to cry, I was so fucking overwhelmed. it was a bit scary and exiting at the same time. all these feelings at once it's so crazy because your body feels like it's going to explode. that memory is very important to me because it's the beginning and it connects with every every thing about me.