Current Thoughts #5

CW: intimidation, mental exhaustion, stalking (?), teenager confusion, scary situations, etc.

My biological father has came onto my mother's backdoor in the early hours of 7/3/2022. I was home with my two brothers, my cousins, my grandmother and grandfather. It was around 12:50 when I heard someone knock against the window of my shared bedroom rather firmly. Thinking nothing of it, I made my way towards the door when I saw my cousin about to open the door. I stopped her, ignoring her explanation of how it was my mother when I checked between the blinds.

Fear washed over me like a tidal wave when I realized it was a man's silhouette instead of my mother's.

I ushered everyone from the living room into my grandmothers room, panicking as I explained what had happened. My cousins were shaken - they didn't know how we lived in fear of this man and I so desperately wanted to say "You'll get used to it! It's going to be ok!". It isn't normal to be like this for three/four years. 

He had everyone shaken as his "polite" knocking continued. This man, realizing we weren't opening the door for him, threw his phone at the door; causing the blinds on top of it to collapse as he ran off to his car. My grandmother was pissed beyond belief, making her way towards the backdoor as I cursed - begging her not to go outside as she reassured angrily

"He won't do anything to me"

His phone was completely destroyed. My grandmother was talking with the neighbor who was nearby, realizing the unwanted guest was calm because of the potential witnesses. Then, we saw him speed off in his brother's borrowed car as he shouted "Your daughter will pay" with his fist in the air.

This is the same man my mother just drove off with - my baby brother in tow.

I'm so disheartened, all I can do is silently weep while I type out my frustrations. That man better not convince her to let him live here. Everything is so numb yet so flared. So simple yet so chaotic.

I just want to go home, yet home isn't safe anymore.