Letter to Utsuki(vent)

It's hard for me to admit it, but I was an asshole, I have always been.

Seeing you online makes me want to disconnect, but that isn't going to fix anything.

I'm afraid that we may not get back a third time, that we wont make up like we did the last times we fought, and I probably don't even deserve it.

I made myself miserable because I did not want to accept that I'm egoist, selfish and maybe did not care about your feeling at the time, being too greedy wanting someone who clearly (and Tomás made it clear a lot of times) didn't love me and was only playing with my feelings, because not even them knew what they wanted, just like me.

When I got heartbroken the only thing I knew to do was victimizing myself and taking refuge on another person who I don't love, hurting another person just because I was desperate for love.

Maybe I made this letter longer than it had to be, but I just wanted to relieve what I had been keeping for a lot of time now, life has been awful these days to be honest, but I want to say sorry if I ever had hurt you and say that if you don't want to get back it's okay, I wouldn't either if I were you (plus, that my objective isn't getting you back with this shitty letter). but anyways, I hope you're doing well and your mind is at peace. 

- Te quiere mucho, Alex.