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I’m trying everyday to stay calm and relax. I feel so wound up all the time, especially at work, one of my main stressors.
So a little background, I work in a hospital and do patient care. Last year in July, my best friend since childhood (literally my brother, even lived together and worked together for years) passed away at my work. I was absolutely devastated. To top it off, someone legit yelled at me when I tried to visit him. I deal with a lot of fucked up patients, since I work in a trauma center, but seeing him after the motorcycle accident was heartbreaking. Then having a fucking secretary yell at me for wanting to visit, made everything 100x worse.
I that “see you next Tuesday” frequently, and the rage boils inside of me like I was making hot tea. Then this year, my ex of 6 years kicked me out and broke up with me. She also works here, in the same hospital…So I wouldn’t be so upset or mad, because I’m finally free to be who I am and making moves to reach goals, but people has been treating me like a sad puppy! I wish I could just tell them all that I'm happy and it’s for the better, but I just want to wait till I actually start noticing changes on HRT.
I just can’t wait to finally be who I am inside and just let every negative emotion just melt away. Living with lies makes me feel so terrible. I love to paint my nails, but can’t have that at work! Even though I left my pinkie painted ;). I just want to leave, so so so bad, but I am doing a program next year that they’re paying for. To lose that opportunity, when I’m so close, would be terrible. Co-workers say to just tough it out, but it gets harder each day. Idk…just sucks.
END RANT
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