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06/21
I don't like living through the pain, just like living with it.
Reasons to not get better scrawled across my brain like a to-do list.
Proud of walking to and from recovery.
Sense of self warped, mind has changed.
The monster has stopped rattling the cage.
There's a town in my head, an evolving city. The occupants vary as time goes on. Some are kind to me and some are not. As a landlord, I give leeway to the mean ones. I want them to stay.
A desolate town of sunshine and rainbows. A booming city of addicts and disorders.
Sad eyes and long nights, soft begging at the door. No light gets in, no sound. What's the point of getting better when life will function the same? I will burn before the Earth and therefore feel no fear when the time comes.
I had a dream about dying. Dreams come true, hopefully sooner than later.
I wish this never happened, I hope it never stops.
The contradiction of the coffin and flying to the top.
Unmovable, missable, a heartbeat off analytical.
Wait up for me so I can hold you down.
It's my job and I'm the best in the field.
Promote me up the chain until I land in hell.
-M
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