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To whoever is reading this, which is probably no one. I just wanted to give a quick warning on my massive ranting about this guy. Seriously, I think that if my friends ever leave me, it's problably because of how often I talk about him. He's not your average white 6,1ft tall guy. And he's not just some highschool sweetheart or a small crush. I'm crazy for this dude. He's like a drug to me, and I can't stop doing it. He's 5,5 (I think) and he has long semi curly semi straight black hair. His fucking eye's are what always get me. How could he be more perfect. He's sweet and kind, sorta, but he's also angry and emotional. That's what I like about them. I don't want a gym bro dude that cries and eats white chicken and rice for a living. I want a guy who expresses emotions, someone I can talk to without them saying stupid shit. And that's what he is. I don't know how many times a day I think about him, but it's a lot. Definitely a lot. We first met on a day close to late February or early March. Some of my friends (2) were in a call. Me being nosy I asked to join, they said that sure but another one of they'll friends would be there. I still joined and we played scary games together. I didn't get his number or anything we just kinda kept talking through gc's. One day however I did speak to him privately and it was sort of normal. We didn't talk very often after that. I was with someone at the time. Anyways, I'd like to say that after March this year we did start talking VERY frequently. I liked listening to him, he said that not everyone did that. I like helping people, even if that makes me a mom or vent friend. The satisfaction of knowing I'm there for someone is like an unimaginable feeling. Lately, after school was over. I've been staying up til crazy hours just to talk to him. I'm talking 3am to 6am staying up. Eye bags started to grow eventually but to be honest, they're worth it. They're worth the small minutes that we speak. I'm not the only one getting my hands dirty. We live a world away so when it's 3am for me, it's 3pm for him. He stays up to late and sometimes doesn't get sleep at all.
A few weeks ago I asked a friend for a favor. One of the friend that introduced me to him. I asked them if they could please tell him about my feeling for me. I really don't have the balls. I've used this method to confess to almost every guy/girl ever. And honestly it NEVER works. So this time I was ready for the worst to come. My friend told them late at night when I was asleep. The next day me and him talked, normally. Until the suspense was draining the blood out of me. So I asked him very casually if my friend had told them anything. He said that he was "butterfly clicking" and then proceeded to continue talking about something else. Then I saw it. The worst message I've received in my life. "I'll only belive it if you say it". I screamed and kicked and yelled. I literly ran outside and ran with my dog. I came back still recovering and told him. We went on and off with un-direct messages. At the end of the day I asked him what we are, and to be honest I sorta forgot...Pretty sure he said friends. 😭. Anyways, yesterday he referred to me as his "gf" in a server. It was just to join it so pretty sure gf is just to make the owner feel bad if I didn't join. Still though, that messege made my heart race like crazy. I seriously love him and would do anything at this point. My problem I'd im so freaking jealous of everything and anything. Yeah it makes my blood boil when he talks about other girls but, it's fine. I'm fine everything is fine. But I feel that he's playing with me like im a freaking rubik's cube. And he's so goddamn good at it.
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