6/28/2021

im really starting to hate this iphone. ive deleted as many photos and apps as possible, and it still turns off at random moments and loads. i literally tried resetting it once and it literally didnt work. wtf.

im glad i was able to type all that out, though, because i feel better now. everything is okay now. im so happy and grateful.

i had a mental breakdown and kept trying to call my mom and she wouldnt pick up lmao. i started throwing things around in my room. i went through through one of my drawers, threw everything out of it, and threw away my old school folders. those folders contain things i wrote down a lot. things i wrote stories about. things that contain details from something i daydream about a lot and want to make into a story one day. but its okay, because i need to get rid of everything. my rooms so fucking messy and shitty. i dont want to end up on an extreme hoarders show.

anyways lol, my room is even worse of a mess than it was before. im not sure when or if i’ll clean it. i will when my dad accidentally sees it when i keep the door open and he tells me to clean it.

it honestly feels so good to cry. i hate how im not crying anymore, if that makes sense. i love getting everything out of my system this way. its not healthy to bottle up your emotions all the time. i feel so sorry for people who have trouble with crying. i do, too. i didnt like the cry i just had. it was just ugly, and i was more angry than anything.

the best kinds of cries are when youre so sad and crying so much, and then it feels like a sudden wave hit your heart. <33 i just loveee that feeling. romanticizing these feelings arent good at all, and i promise im not doing that. theres just something about it that is peaceful, yknow?