wanting more in life

i hate my brain sometimes bc i try to spend the day in short amounts watching anime and playing video games and playing an instrument and going on walks and making myself food and researching random topics but always always always at the end of the day i feel insanely restless and like i lost another day to the void its like nothing i do feels meaningful. i know exactly what would be meaningful to me but im at a loss trying to achieve it and get there. if i were performing daily i would be in my perfect place. but. i need to move. i need a job where i want to live. the fruits of my efforts to achieve those arent happening immediately and boiii does my brain want to HATE that. i dont know what to do at all my parents want me to go back to college after a failed two years but i hate it i hate school and im afraid that itll end up horribly again and i cant find a non-arts major im interested in (still) i just want to dance and act i dont want this. it is my biggest opportunity to go to the city i need to be in, however

im trying so hard to get rid of my severe social anxiety and its working pretty well so far but i have no one i can ask i dont have any friends other than two online ones. i dont wanna be afraid of talking in jobs any more and i dont want to be afraid of taking advantage of the few slim opportunities i have to leave

i dont likeeeeeeee thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssss

anyway i played a puzzle game called Limelight today it was really really fun i highly recommend it