poetry is sad

"quick learner, and quite entertaining. a pleasure to have in class."

thats always been the only thing that gave me worth,

childhood inocence traded for a sense of humor and a loss of worth,

now pain equals love so i must ask you to hit harder,

the only time i mattered was when i was funny,

or when my teasing made men turn their heads,

disobedience is staying calm when they scream in your face,

safety is playful bullying so they can never get too close,

a lifetime of threats and death wishes,

now equals love,

so i must ask you to hit harder,

go on,

hit me harder,

i was bred to not bruise easily,

to shut up and take it,

to listen when you say that you hate me,

that men love me only for the pathetic excuse,

of what i call a body,

but don't worry i have a lifetime of dye jobs,

trying to hide the fact that im the black sheep of the family,

so i will shape shift to fit your prefrence,

drown out the pain with titos and red bull,

like all that came before me,

some times i daydream of a life,

where you didnt die,

and i still lay on your couch,

surronded by beer and cheezits,

a time when smoke clinged to my belongings,

covered up by freshly brewed black coffee,

but sadly the only thing that lays between my fingers,

is the very thing that took you away from me,

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