Summer..

Right before spring break started, I got into a fight with my best friend. I don't think I was her best friend, but she was mine. She meant a lot to me. She was the only person I felt I could talk to and be around comfortably. But she didn't feel the same way about me and now we don't even talk. I miss her. But in a way, ending that friendship started a whole new chapter of my life. I joined school clubs (mainly because I hated riding the bus home), and I started to meet new people. All these people ended up being very important people to me. Like we're part of a family. I do care about them all very deeply. We were close and always around each other, until summer started.

Summer is probably the hardest part of the year for me. I went from constantly being around people and being busy and happy to being alone, all day, every day. I started sleeping a lot more, which was nice at first, but then it became a problem. I would sleep all day and stay up all night. I would waste away in my bed for hours on end watching the same things and listening to the same music. I hate summer with all I have. It is the worst time for someone like me to be alone. I don't trust myself and I probably never will. Of course I still call and text my friends, but sometimes I feel annoying and like a burden to them. This is not their fault and I know that. I can't expect so much from them.

And although this summer has been particularly hard for me, I think I've had a lot of time to reflect on myself. I use to hate myself much more than I do now. I wanted things I now think are close to impossible for me. I wanted to be quieter and more "enigmatic", and while those things still do appeal to me and there is a way for me to be "enigmatic", I also know that I talk a lot and that's just who I am. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but I'm glad I could finally accept it. I also know that I can be a bit overbearing sometimes and I should work on that. And sometimes I take things too serious (or not serious enough) and I should probably work on that too. And communicating. Definitely that, because how would someone know I was upset or why I was upset if I'm just quiet about it? I don't want myself to store up anger towards people for something they don't even know about. 

And yet I still have a whole month of summer left. I feel like I'm going insane sitting on my bed all. Day. Long. I guess it's not too awful if I don't think about it for too long. I know I'll miss it when I'm back in school. But for now, I'll probably sit and get sad while remembering all the memories I made after spring break.