doing

found old books i never read, many small ones i can read within an hour or two. i have them in my car so i can grab any one that i want as i go to work so i can read during my lunch break. also gonna start bringing my psvita around with me. still need to find my brother's so i can yoink that 16gb memory card and then jailbreak it.
going back up to lubbock in less than a week. going to stay on a guy's couch. i only met the guy once at a party. my brother's birthday is tomorrow and he is inviting a bunch of friends, including a pair of online friends from dallas who he's never met in person. i joke that if they end up murderers, at least their opposition will be a bunch of 17 year olds jacked as fuck. going to my friend's apartment tomorrow. hanging out with those two is always a treat. we mesh so well.
went to lunch today with someone i met from work. it's nice to make new friends, even if i know i probably won't see him again after i leave here. he's a nice guy. super nice. generous. he has led quite the unfortunate life, but he still has so much goodwill in him. he taught me how to mix paint and to sign people up for credit cards. a manager noticed and gave him an award for going above and beyond. i wish he got a pay raise. he deserves it. even unrelated to helping me. the corporate world is ass.
i still have the pinecone i fell in love with. i still am not doing all that i want. but i am doing things i didn't know would be something i can do as well. so, eye for an eye.
i made a joke and someone actually laughed today.
i was called pretty the other day
i have fifteen eyes, and so does mark.
one day i will get back on track, but right now i am enjoying the life of working and studying and working and studying and dealing with blown tires and working and studying and losing sleep to hang out and studying and working and
i had two slices of my brother's pizza yesterday, i brought him two slices from mine today.
i need to charge my calculator
i found the one i got in fourth grade. i didn't know what most of the buttons do, but now i do. calculators are so neat. devices for very specific tasks are neat. i wish i was better with software to where i could bend them to do stuff they're not made for. casio fx-82sx plus as a database for the numerous pokemon i never got to catch because my mother believes they're of the devil. canon powershot sd1100 is as a pager to tell my friends i love them and they're worth more than the world to me.
i have work at 8am tomorrow. it is nearly 1. i would complain about having to work early tomorrow, but at least it leaves my evening open for once, allowing me to see my dear friends. 6pm cry time. 6.20pm dinner. that's the schedule.
buongiorno mi amigo, comment-allez vous? gutten? da.
fifteen eyes, and yet i still don't see enough of the world. mark has had enough, though. he wishes he had eyelids or enough hands with which to cover his orasy. vision. whatever. mark is lame. he thinks he has seen enough. there is still so much. i want to see the view from up high again. see for miles. sit there and observe. pay attention to each leaf in existence. mark says he has seen too much. mark is an idiot. dunning-kreuger effect, i guess. i have seen so much yet my mind is still but a pit. seed type, not bottomless type. i want to get up close to everyone's face and observe every pore. do pores expand and contract and breathe? i want to find out. i want to lay belly-down on the ground and watch ants march in straighter formation than a highschool marching band. maybe even a bootcamp platoon on their seventh march. i want to watch wires that make the electricity grid slowly sag and tighten with the temperature change. i would not mind being immortal. there is always more to see. mark would turn down immortality in a heart-beat. he has seen all that there is, he says. if he had as many braincells as he has eyes, maybe he would know how wrong he is. i want to listen to a single note be plucked over and over again. for hours. listen to how it sounds when plucked. how it sounds when it fades out. how the instrument slowly goes out of tune. how the other strings sympathetically ring along. how the room's reverb makes the note stay longer, or muddies it, or amplifies it. i want to hear a blade of grass, just one, grow. i want to hear an orchestra of blades of grass grow. mark thinks such minute details are a waste of time. yet, we are no more important than the atom, the electron even, that is present within a grain of dirt four feet under the forest floor in the chernobyl exclusion zone. fifteen eyes, ninety three years, and two legs. they are not enough to get me to see and hear everything that i wish to. i wish to see everything. thankfully, i have a car. but the car doesn't help much. in fact, in some regards it is worse. sure, there is more variety in what i experience. but during my time in my dear machine of comfort, i don't have the ability to pay attention. unfortunate. so it goes.
this is what happens when civ 6 crashes on my day off.