Resignation

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I turned in my notice at work last week. I could have waited and quietly did it over the summer, but I wanted to have a conversation with my students about why I will not be back next year. These poor kids have seen so many educators from their program leave, and I can tell it has been bothering them. Some of these educators left because of the toxic environment, others for personal reasons. The personal reasons are not mine to share, and I can't bash the district to our students. They have been left to wonder why teachers keep leaving them, and I fear many have started to believe that no one wants to work with them. I didn't want them to think that was why I quit. But I couldn't have a conversation with them, without telling the adults who needed to know first.

I tried to give my resignation letter to my immediate supervisor, but he said I needed to give it to the head of our department. I don't regret telling him anyway, because I think that's the right thing to do. It wasn't pleasant though; he used it to feel put-upon again, even though I stressed that I would work until the end of the school year. I pulled the long-term sub I work with aside and asked her about taking time out of class to talk to our students. She was sad to hear I would not be back next year, but she understood and thought letting the kids hear about it directly from me first was a great idea. She said it would be better to hear it from me than the rumor mill.

Turns out she was very right to worry. I knew I couldn't wait until the next day to talk to the kids, but the talk spread faster than I realized. Before the morning duty was done, my work friend said adults were already talking. People I did not tell, or see around while I told those two, knew and had opinions about my decision. Apparently they were not particularly kind. I have gotten some odd looks since, and a few colleagues will not speak to me. They certainly are not making this departure harder.

The students are making it harder though. The talks with them went incredibly well. None of them shut down or got upset. I explained to them that my spouse was very ill, and I needed to look after them. The kids had no idea that was going on; they were shocked. But they were also wonderfully supportive, kind and compassionate. They were so mature! They said they would miss me, but that I was making the right choice. They even extended their well wishes to M (yes, that part absolutely melted my heart). I am going to miss them too. I hate that I will not get to see them graduate, but I'm so glad I got to see how much they grew over this year. I know they are going to do well throughout the rest of their schooling years, as long as they keep working hard and advocating for themselves.

Now, what's next? Ideally, the VA will approve our appeal and I truly can be a full time caregiver. I'm not holding my breath on that one though. It may take a long time, and we may have to appeal several more times, or even get a lawyer. I can't count on the VA to actually do the right thing without time and pressure. In the meantime, I am going to look for a less toxic and tiring job. As much as I hate working from home, it would make a lot of sense if I could find a remote job. Failing that, something within walking distance from my home would be good. As long as I can quickly get to M in an emergency, and I'm not as tired, it will do. It feels very odd to be looking for a job when the end goal is not traditional work, but it is what would be best for us. I have a meeting with my VR counselor to see if there are any resources to aid me in this transition. While I look, I am going to try to rest. The school year is almost done. Wish me luck, everyone.