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Putting things off makes my dysmorphia worse

I keep making plans to call the local Planned Parenthood to get an appointment, to start HRT, but just keep putting it off. I feel like itll be to big of a shock to some close people to learn who I really am, under the surface. I shouldnt worry about that, but its always on my mind when Im about to call. I just dont want to disappoint certain people, mostly my brother. He didnt even like when I said I was pan. Theyll just say Im making a big mistake and that Im not able to make big decisions, because months ago I was 302d for a suicide attempt. I just opened up to my PTSD I have from being sexually assaulted when I was a young teenager, to family. What I never told them, was that I was pretending to be a girl during that time.

I wish I started this sooner, people say Im still young. However, I feel like if I started this earlier in my life, Id be exactly where I wanted to be. Im free from most things holding me back, but I shouldve been selfish and started when I was younger. Its wonderful to see younger people transition when theyre in middle school, but it also sucks for me, because I really didnt have that chance, and I wouldve been locked up or something.

/End rant and first blog post.

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