waiting for my ubereats

working today and friday. friday is a homecoming blow out- so the day will mostly be a wash. the wait of working will lead me to friday's depature. my halloween friend, shelby, and our mutual friend who now lives in ohio, nik, will be going camping by a lake for the weekend. not sure how many days we will be staying. like i know- but dont care to know.

i just have packed for a week and will hope thats enough.

the label of camping makes this trip sound rustic. the three of us starting a fire pretty naturally, pulling our tent close enough to fear it's cheap polyester material will melt as it keeps us close to the flame. we huddle close together as if we are fighting for a football as we fight to stay warm in our sleeping bags. this flickering light is just enough for us to be able to read each other's faces. when i begin to stare over at nik, the waning flame tricks my facial mapping. i see nik, i see dylan, i see my brother, i see my recent ex. i turn back to face the fire to ease my mind. 

this is no where near how we will be living. air mattresses, a torch, extension cords were the first items that were put on the list. i even have a small heater i considered bringing, but it prefer the silent chill of the uninsulated night. i fear this intimate isolation that this trip will extract from our disconnected bonds. i already am intimated by the long exposure to these people. the mental patience this week has already been depleted. i hate when i am like this for the sake of my child, jules. walking and playing with her feels more like a dreadful routine instead of me wanting to enjoy it. ill get over it.

there is a very ancient tide with nik and i. we met through shelby while we were all in high school. i dont remember it much- but i know there were intents of flirts that never formed. i was in 9th grade. who cared. what if something resurfaces this weekend? i wont be the one to be the firestarter. 

just thoughts.