depression is weird

depression is weird, ive lived with it most of my life, i though I'd be more used to it by now but if i could care enough id be weirded out by it. its just so much nothing, im not hopeless or sad, im not even angry at something that i cant change. i just dont feel anything about myself or my life. but i still care about the people i love, im angry at my mother on behalf of my dad, i long for my partner and wish that he wasnt so far away so that when thing go bad for him i can show them how much he is loved as a whole in the ways that words wont reach. I can feel something on the behalf of others and i adore my lover but other than that i cant bring myself to feel much at all.