i hate it here (heavy tw)

i cant stop being anxiois and its fucking my sleep up. its currently 3 am rn and my head hurts and ive been having a lot of harmful thoughts for the past 2 hours and i just cant shut my brain down and go to sleep. yesterdeay was supposed to be nice, i was supposed to have a relaxing and fun weekend, and i didnt. it was stressful and it make me anxious and i spent most of it locked inside of my head feeling like a bird whose wings ere ripped off because of my mom and because i have absolutely no friends where i live, the only one i have is acting weird (if u wanna know abt it i mention it in my last blog, i dont wanna repeat myself anymore, ive been doing it all day, sorry) and i dont feel like talking to her. this is hell, my head is hell and my house is hell.