I want to stop envy. (TW VENT)

I’m so mad at myself. I wish I couldn’t feel anger. I wish I couldn’t envy. I wish I wasn’t as selfish as I am. I’m so mad for no reason. I was playing ROBLOX Da Hood with my friend 2 days ago. her online friends joined and played with us too. I was good with that. An hour or so in, I asked her if she wanted matching displays but she said she still needed to wait 7 days to change her display so she couldn’t. I said okay and we continued playing. Today we did the same thing, played da hood and her friend joined. but it was different. She changed her display to “Mars” which confused me, because that display matched with her online friends who joined, “Neptune” and “Saturn” I didn’t say anything to her about it. But she did admit it was matching with them. She did nothing wrong. Yet I’m upset. Idk why. I shouldn’t be. honestly I feel like I’m so toxic no better then a manipulator. I don’t know what to do now. I feel like there’s rocks in my stomach and clumps in my throat. I wish I wasn’t selfish. I saw them trying to glitch into da bank in the game, which I couldn’t because I hadn’t bought the animation game pass, which you need to glitch in the vault. I saw them with their matching displays playing together. And that’s where it made me realize how left out I felt. For no reason. They included me. They treated me so well. Why am I upset? I don’t know. And I’m freaking mad about it. I feel so queasy and weak. I feel like such a bad friend. I’ve dealt with one of my friends being jealous over me being friends with someone else and it was kinda annoying. And I’m so mad I’m that person now.I wish this feeling would disappear. I wish it would wilt and leave my body. I want to melt away into nothingness. So no one has to deal with my pathetic envy. I feel like she hates me. I’m too clingy. I ask to call too often. I know she prob ignores me sometimes on purpose, but I don’t blame her. And if she doesn’t, idk why she wouldn’t. I’m annoying and clingy. I talk too much and I’m too silent when upset. She left earlier today. I think she knows I’m upset. I think she thinks I’m unreasonable. I was. I shouldn’t have been. Now I’m just ranting. I’m sorry.