thoughts

Too much to try

My heart goes out to the ones who have lost. I myself have never really lost anything. Sure I’ve had a pet or two that died but nothing big.

 For those who lost their parents or guardians at a young age I really can’t relate.

 For those who were neglected and put away I still can’t understand how it felt. Although I have never gone through anything that really defines me I still understand people's feelings.

 Sadness, happiness I wonder to myself where we actually draw the line between those two.

 As someone who has always been around people I don’t really what feels like to be completely alone, but I do know what it feels like to be alone in your head. I try so hard to be what people expect me to be. Even though I try it never gets me far. 

My feelings always seem to get in the way. 

There’s ups and downs but I can't tell the difference anymore. I’m tired of trying to and I’m frankly tired of trying everything else.

 I don’t want to do this anymore. 

Even though I’ve been treated so well through my whole life I still feel sad. I wonder if that makes me selfish or mean… It's hard to understand what you are when you know nothing about yourself.