numb

i feel numb, that's all I feel, I'm not angry or sad about feeling this way. I don't know how i feel about this emotion at all actually. if I was to describe how I feel right now id say that it feels like sitting in silence alone. my limbs start to feel much more sensitive and i feel exhausted, like coming back home from a long day at a loud office. 

sometimes i think that my brain does this to me to protect me. i know that sounds kind of absurd cause even this feeling right now is also unbearable. but if you think about it, most people start to get that feeling of emotional numbness after feeling a lot of emotions at once at a very high frequency. so what if there was a mechanism in our brain in which it would just tune everything out to save us and give us a break. we are unconsciously saving ourselves without even realizing it. what if this emotion of numbness is just a toned down version of derealization? cause even in that scenario our brain tries to 'protect' us from a situation which is making us feel extremely anxious or just from a place we don't want to be. i think theyre interrelated.

ive had the experience of derealization once, i dont know if it was that specifically but it scared me. it felt as if i was glitching out of my body or as if i was just floating above my body, my skin was sensitive and my senses were hightened. but i still knew i was me, living on this planet as a human being. none of it makes much sense to me.

this feeling will go away in a few hours, but i also know itll come back. anyways i hope you have a good day :)

999 ;; release ; its time to let go of whats been holding you back. 

-xo noodle