self image is crazy dude

just got hit with a crazy mental breakthrough omgwhat.  i especially lately but in general tend to feel like shit if i ask people i know to hang out, like its a bad thing to want to spend time with people i love ??? its like i’m inconveniencing them or being burdensome by asking them to take time out for me or something in that vein- but i genuinely wanna spend time with the people i know, so i always emphasize how welcome they are to hit me up to go hang out cause i feel like them reaching out to me is somehow more genuine than me reaching out to them ?? like i can only believe they really wanna see me if they contact me first. but it just hit me how that’s…. so wrong. like so fucking wrong HAHABDKSB. it makes me feel so fucking good when someone texts me first or asks me to do something first why on gods green fucking earth would me doing that for someone else be a bad thing ?? i know the people i know genuinely like me i’ve gotten to a point where i can pretty consistently grind that belief into myself so me asking them to hang out or expressing that i wanna talk to them isn’t gonna annoy them it’s gonna make them feel good the way it makes me feel good when they do the same for me. that’s crazy dude wow.  i have such a deep fear of how clingy and needy i can be when i feel safe bro absolutely fucked up and twisted