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ever since i made this account i've been wanting to keep a blog, like i did as a teenager, but i can't figure out exactly... why. well, besides to hear the asmr sounds of my acrylic nails clickity-clacking over my keyboard. like, for real. that's one of the main reasons.
[okay post-rambling me: the only important part is the second to last paragraph w/ the *** around it but whatever yaayy for ~realizations~]
but besides that [and nostalgia i guess]... idk like... why do i feel the need to share my mundane thoughts and daily life with others? particularly strangers- i made this specifically because no one i know irl is following me here.
i've realized recently that ever since social media became a thing i've struggled with i guess what ppl call imposter syndrome... like... back in the myspace days [wee tangent here for potential young readers], if someone was your myspace friend it was bc they made an intentional choice to spend time looking at your page. like, they'd stop what they were doing to check myspace... idk it's really hard to explain, but social media was a very separate, intentional thing, it wasn't just always... ~there~, so you didn't feel like you were always all up in everyone's lives all the time...
so now, since it's like... idk, so much more in peoples' faces, every time i go to post pretty much anything i'm like "...but who cares? why do i think i'm important enough to put this into the world?" BUT at the same time i know damn well that i very much enjoy when other people post- i love peoples' reels & when they share their Spotify playlists, or make like ten stories about whatever they're excited about recently. i even have a couple blogs i keep up with. i enjoy seeing how people i like spend their daily lives. and i get all kinds of comfort and inspiration from regular ass people like me on YouTube, instagram, twitter, etc.
...so why do I feel so... "look at me look at me"?? you know? EVERYONE does it to an extent and it's actually normal and in small amounts i'd even say very healthy these days- most of our communication is done online, so it's normal and reasonable to display your personality and let people get to know you through sharing your life, writing blogs or making vlogs or whatever.
so why do i feel like... idk super fucking cringe sharing anything about my life or thoughts??
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i think the main thing is i'm never sure how i'm being perceived and one of my biggest fears is being perceived incorrectly. like- my motivations, or my values or my... intentions, or whatever. like, if you perceive me correctly and don't like me or if you want to be like ugh you're cringe that's absolutely fine and i'm not bothered by that. but i don't want to be judged incorrectly... if that makes sense?? that's the best way i can put it into words. i think that's it in a nutshell. alright. see- blogging helps, i came to a realization.
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anyway if anyone is actually reading and lasted this long, does anyone else feel this way?
also if there are any youths here, what in the fuck is it like growing up with social media?
it sounds both awesome [being able to connect w/ tons of ppl just like you, easily find unique interests, an archive of your entire youth (i lost almost all of my pictures from high school when myspace got deleted and when all my camera phones inevitably stopped working)]
and at the same time absolutely horrifying [all the obvious stuff].
do ya'll get this imposter syndrome type of feeling too?
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