i still love you - vent

you ypou you you 

i dont know what love is i never will but i miss you so much that it makes me want to vomit

i feel like my ehart is going to explode and im so upset i messed this up. i cant have uyou back so i have to sit in agony for years until it all blows over,

i hate thinking about maybe in different lives we were meant to be together, nothing in the way, 

i miss your touch, i miss us. but i fucked up oh so badly and i cant forgive myself ever,

im not good for you, youre not good for me, but ihate not being able to just tell you i love you

and if it were up to me i'd be normal, i'd be a normal person who you could love. i wish that you would think of me, and i wish i could just cry into your arms, i wish we could hold each other and make it all okay, make it go away. make it go quiet. i dwell in the past and i lie so i feel justified and so i dont scare you away from me, because when im talking to you i feel amazing, yet everuthing feels off. i dont want to know about other girls, i dont want any other guys, i dont want to get attached again. never ever again, i want to be able to ignore every person i meet

to not feel attraction

because it toys with me, it pulls me around and takes control. and when i fight back i wreck it. we've gotten back together too many times and our friends dont think we should evem talk to each other yet we do. 

i love you