metal health

no matter what i have done to seem pleasing and trying to ignore my emotions nothing seems to work to make people happy. Someone I thought i loved just only wants me around for sex and when he doesn't get it he throws a tantrum and says im ruining his life, yet every night he has me crying myself to sleep not knowing if he loves me or is just using me. It pains me so much because when I think im ready to cut him out my life that love still comes back and it makes me feel like im just destined to be in a one sided relationship where I put in all the love and effort and all i get in return is just sex and fights that lead to us crying and him telling me only after fights that he loves me. i know the relationship is toxic but also at the same time it feels so much better than all my past relationships because he does know how to make me feel special and to make me feel loved, it's just that at the same time he doesn't want to put in that effort. I don't know if it's because of me or because of how he is. My own brother has even told me that he doesn't have a good feeling about him along with all of my friends and family, yet when his friends heard about me they all said that I would e a perfect addition to his life and that they all thought I was kind and thoughtful. Yet when I put our relationship in a 3rd person pov it looks like nothing put verbal and emotional abuse, but I can't help but still wanna be with this guy because even tho all the pain I feel being with him he also is the source of my comfort and someone who makes me feel special. But what I do know is that if im as special to him like he makes me feel he wouldn't go around flirting with other girls and telling them to call him and talk with him 24/7 despite telling him how it makes me feel like shit and makes me really stressed out because after most things he's done I feel little to no trust with him being around other people. I don't know what to do anymore at this point it just seems like an endless cycile thatts never gonna end