Family...

I love my family with everything in me, lately though, how do I say this without sounding like an asshole, I have not liked them. Our life has not been the easiest and we are still trying regroup from our most recent events. I can't help but feel like some things could have been avoided. I just wish I could communicate that to them in a way that doesn't make me sound like the bad guy. I have had troubles expressing myself to them before so this time around I've just been keeping it to myself. I was fine at first but now its starting to affect me. Every time I'm around them I tense up, like a sim lol. I can't take feeling this way about the people I care most about. Everyone is so happy about the good things that are beginning to happen, but I can't get passed the bad that is still prominent. So I've been getting eaten alive from my own misery. I can't remember the last time I looked at my mom and that's so heartbreaking. I wish I could have a real conversation with them but you know how families are... a simple conversation can divide a nation. I'm like really struggling mentally over this. I haven't spoken in days because the only words I can think of are the words I so badly need to say but can't. I fear I won't be okay until after the storm is over. I can usually see the light at the end of the tunnel but I'm having trouble finding it this time around. My faith in The Lord is stronger than a lot of things I have in me, so I can't understand why my heart feels so dark. I feel lost. I'm ready to enter my winning season. I don't know how much more of this storm I can weather.