I’m sick ( TW VENT )

I’m sick and I’ve been at home for 2 days straight just sleeping. idk why but I wish I was at school right now. I’m so tired of being sick. My head is pounding and my stomach hurts like hell 😭 I want to talk to my friends but they are in school right now and to be honest recently I dont even know if my friends like me. and that hurts me because I’m hella clingy and I need reassurance constantly. But I think I’m annoying and a drama maker. I usually try to change the way I act and talk to be more like the person I talk to just to make sure they won’t leave me. I have a lot of trauma with friend group stuff and I’m constantly worried about people leaving me. And I get hurt easily but I don’t tell them because past experience doing that has not been very good. I’ve been hiding my feelings and honestly idk what to do anymore. I feel like my friends never really want to talk to me. And they are just trying to be nice. I honestly have been trying so hard to help people with their problems and they help me back. But I think I’m selfish because I’m still lonely. I’ve recently been thinking I need a gf but I don’t have a crush and no one likes me to my knowledge so.. yeah. Idk what life is anymore.. I’m listening to Gretel by Sodikken right now and it’s fire go listen to it rn >:]