Not Really Sure, But Here Goes Nothing

Okay, so I decided to write a proper introduction to who I am.

Hey, I am Dreamer. I am 28, going to be 29 this December. The 24th to be exact. That's right, I am a Christmas Eve baby. Now before you go making assumptions that I had a shitty birthday/growing up experience; I didn't actually.

In fact, my family always made sure my Birthday was my Birthday and Christmas was Christmas. Just meant I got double the presents and attention for two days, 'cause I was a cute little shit. So please keep all the judgemental shit to yourself, I honestly hate it and will slap the next person who brings it up.

Back in ye ole days of Myspace, I was among the generation of "STRANGER DANGER EVERYWHERE" and I basically couldn't do fucking shit. Especially when it came to being online. From 12-18, I was hovered over and had my privacy invaded, much like a lot of people. Try being raised by your helicopter grandparents masquerading as your parents and constantly butting into things they had no business butting into. Yeah, not a pretty image, is it?

Like a lot of kids my age and constantly repressed, the internet became my escape and naturally I figured out how to get around the parental controls shit, memorize passwords and just overall take what little control I had of myself back. Like making a Myspace via my OG iPhone app and keeping that a secret. For awhile, eventually the cat came out of the bag and once my 'Mother' realized I was mainly friends with people from school, she relented and let me be. Mostly.

Unfortunately when I started discovering who and what I was into, I started getting in to trouble because I would go over the "texting limit" and instead of talking to me, I would get screamed at that I was... I don't even remember anymore. I just remember getting screamed at and losing my phone for weeks on end. At least I had the internet. Until my "Mother" started limiting that and just overall trying to close me off from anything and everything that made me happy.

Did I do and engage in some fucked up shit? Of course. Did I definitely talk to some people and get involved with guys I shouldn't have? You bet your goddamn ass. Did it immensely fuck me up as an adult? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--Oh wait. Yes, yes it did.

Being part of a repressed generation majorly sucked and trying to be myself definitely wasn't allowed. I was supposed to be this perfect 'last gasp to get it right' and I heard that SO often. Clearly, they were getting it wrong by stifling me and keeping me locked up. Eventually it became habit because they kept me so dependent on them that I was even scared of venturing out and doing anything.

I cried, so much. Days, weeks, months. I had been purposely isolated to the point it was conditioned for me to be that way. Good thing it backfired on them too, since isolating is what I constantly had, it was all I wanted.

I did make a small community of friends over the years, people who had my back and tried being supportive. Keeping me afloat.

Eventually I did meet someone amazing, someone who's been in my life for 13 years. Someone my "parents" hated that I continued to keep in my life, but fuck 'em, he's the one person I trust solely with my life. Slowly he helped me get out and over everything, even helping me uproot from a situation we were both in with my "parents".

That was 4 years ago.

I'm now in a much, much better place, with him at my side. 7 pets(6 cats and a doggo), and prospects of reconnecting with my actual Mother, who was forced to go along with the charade of being my "older sister".

Turns out I have, at least, two half-brothers. A step-Dad I've known my entire life and has basically been a big brother to me. Two cousins, as it turns out their Mothers are actually my aunts, not sisters.

Roles and titles might have changed, and as angry as I am about it, they're still my family. Sure blood doesn't make everyone family, but they're all I've had and known. I love them, even if I don't agree with them or anything they've done. It hurts, honestly.

But this is just the cliffs notes version of my life story. But it's me.

Welcome to the shitshow.