hiii

Anywaysss.. 

I'm super excited to see Elliott this weekend, since he got covid i havent seen him in weeks, Elliotts my only friend and well brother. Its kind of complicated how we're related but not?? Our parents started dating a few years back and after a while they had a child together, my younger brother, Toby, anyways their relationship didnt work out and it got super toxic but me and Elliott stayed close so we're related but not related. Idk man. Anyways, back to Elliott. He's super cool, and the only person ive ever felt comfortable around, hes like my personal therapist lmao. He has autism, adhd, depression, anxiety and psychosis hes also trans and gay so uh hes been through a lot, whenever we're both not doing okay we just kid of go to each other to rant and stuff. He's been doing really better recently and im so happy and proud of/for him where as ive been the complete opposite.  

This is gonna be a lot so be prepared 

A couple years ago i got diagnosed with anxiety, social anxiety to be exact. Me and my family didnt know much about so as time progressed it got worse and now 2 years later i have severe anxiety ad depression. My doctor says i have something like agoraphobia and like im too scared to leave my house or just go to any like public place. I havent been to school in months, im in the process of moving onto online schooling. recently i got put on anti-depressants and now i just cant cry, i feel super numb and idk its weird. Also, sorry this is a lot i know but ive kind of been stressing about it and i want to atleast write it down, idk. Recently i thought i had ADHD, i went to my doctor we got all these forms and questions to fill out and then i went back there a week later, he said i have less than a 40% chance of having ADHD but i show inattentive behaviours idrk what that means, anyways, he then said that he cant be sure himself so hes sending me to a psychiatrist for autism. i did a bunch of research about autism when i got home and honestly i can relate to a lot, im not self-diagnosing or whatever ill find out when i find out but ive been stressing a lot about having it, i would never judge someone for their race, sexuality, pronouns or if their neurodivergent but i know a lot of people who do and im scared about how people would react to it or if i get treated differently by the people around me or if the people i kind of go to school with would judge me, which they would, i know they would. i really hope i didnt offend anyone by this, if so im really sorry and i never intended it that way im just trying to write down how i feel about it from personal experience from what ive seen around me and how i know some people in my life would react yk?? 

Anyways, thats it. sorry for my little rant/vent. I hope you're having an amazing day/night, drink lots of water and dont forget to eat, ill see you next blog :D